Barbie

I was drinking with my friends when I first laid my eyes on you. I was starstruck for quite a while, and I was mesmerized. You were the most good looking guy in the place, and almost all the girls there were looking at you. We were not officially introduced to each other, but I didn't care, as long as I can see you from the far end of the drinking table. I didn't assume we'd be friends, for you're too handsome and you might not recognize me.

We have been drinking for hours when I started to joke with your name. Our common friends laughed at some of the jokes, but they think that most of them were corny. I don't remember seeing you laugh, but I guess it was okay for you.

We finished up all the liquor bottles and it was time for everyone to go home. We were waiting in the jeepney stop with everyone else. The rest rode a jeepney instantly including you, and a friend tapped me on the head and said goodbye. That will be the last time I'll be seeing him, I told myself with a sigh. But it was just okay. I was happy that I got the chance of drinking with the most handsome stranger I have ever seen for the rest of my drinking days.

It was one Friday night and I was again out to drink with my friends. I was shocked when I saw a familiar face. It was still the face I think I saw in the past. That same lame expressive pair of tantalizing eyes, together with the best and nicest perfect pointy nose, and kissable lips. We didn't talk but still, it was more than okay. At least I could get to see your face and stare at you as if everything around me doesn't exist. It was just me, sitting and hiding a smile inside, while staring at the most handsome creature God ever created, near to perfection.

My other friends arrived at the place, which meant I have two shot glasses to work on to. My girl friends sure recognized you, just like all the girls there.. just like me. One of my friends asked for your number. You gave it to her without hesitation. I'll have to admit that I felt a little pissed that time, 'cause my friend acted like a flirt. Not just because she asked for your number, but because that meant you'll be exchanging text messages with her. She's beautiful, and I was afraid you might like her, you know. But I didn't think about it. I just enjoyed having two sets of barkada drinking in one place though I knew I will be going home late-- and drunk.

It was about time to go home and I volunteered to walk you and your friends to the jeepney stop, trying to be a gentleman and impress you, and thinking that I might have a chance to talk to you somehow. One of your friends told me I should go home too for it was already late and my house is an hour and a half ride from there. It wasn't good for a girl to be going home alone that late but I had to stay. My friends were still there, and I had to drink with them or they'll get mad at me. I gave him something, a bottle I guess, and told him that it was my conscience. I promised him I'll go home within a few hours. He obliged me to text him, and I agreed. Your other friend said that I'd text him also, and I handed him my phone for his number. You were standing right next to him, looking at my cellphone screen while he typed the numbers. I didn't get to talk to you, but I was happy I had the chance to stare at your face for seconds more. We bid our goodbyes, and I hoped I could see you again some time.

It was past 12mn when I sent a group text message saying that I was on my way home. You replied asking who I was. To my surprise, you remembered me! I was just more than happy and lucky that time, knowing that I was texting with you. We texted until I got home, and we battled on joking around with your name.

So that's how it started.

The days that followed were the happiest days of my life. I never failed to smile, waking up and scanning my inbox, looking for your name. I don't know how those two words, Good Morning work up to put a priceless smile on my face and brighten the rest of my day. I daydream about you, and even think about you before I fall asleep. Do you know how I try my best not to fall asleep when I'm texting with you but I always end up falling asleep and waking up in regret. But then again, your Good Morning never failed to brighten my day.

I can still remember our photoshoot in Marikina. You said you'll drop by to take a look at what I'm wearing but I warned you not to. I said you'll get to see me on the day of the fashion show but you were making fun of me, saying you'd still go there. When it was my turn for the photoshoot, I told you how the boys and the people there watch me like a movie wearing a mini skirt and a bra. I was nervous, but texting with you eased the nervousness little by little until I gather up all my confidence.

I always fall asleep at night whenever I'm texting with you and you decided we should have a punishment. One night of falling asleep without informing you that I was about to, equals a kiss. Being a Maria Clara who is just so not me, I insisted but you were the boss, and so I had no choice but to agree. It's in my favor, anyways.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The day of the fashion show came. You said that you weren't sure if you'll be able to watch the show. I was so nervous, but when you told me to just think that you were the only one watching in the crowd, I felt my heart beat fast, not because of nervousness. Then I suddenly felt like wanting to just text with you until the show ends. I told you that the show will start in a few minutes, and you text me goodluck. You told me to text you after. I was overwhelmed.

Days after the fashion show, I posted the picture from our photoshoot. I can still feel the tingling sensation on my spine when you said that I looked hot and daring. I suddenly saw a ray of light from above, as if giving me the hope that there's a chance that you'd like me back, eventhough it's because you think I look hot in my pictures.

One night, you felt bad about your parents. You said you wanted to run away, and live independently. I felt bad, too.

I remember how we used to talk about Supernatural. You'd ask why girls always notice how cute Dean was. I remember how you told me you were pregnant one morning, and said I was the father. I said that if it's a boy, we'd name him Dean. And you suggested that if it's a girl, we'd name her Jo, both names derived from Supernatural. Do you know how I laughed hard when you told me you'd stay at home while I work for us? *laughs*

One day, you told me that no one cares about you. I told you that I care about you. You asked me why I care about you. Because you're my friend, I told you. You said that if someone cares about a person, that someone is special. And if that someone is special to you, you love that person. I knew that you were trying to make me confess my feelings for you, and so I said that I have a crush on you. Yeah, I have a crush on you. Not just because you're good looking. But because you're kind. You also read, which is not a usual thing for boys, and you're funny. You also trust me in telling personal things, just the way I trust you. You didn't say anything, but I was glad it didn't affect our closeness.

The days that followed were the happiest days of my life. How my heart beats fast whenever I receive a text message from you. Your Goodmorning completes my day. How I smile whenever you remind me to eat though I know you say that to all your friends. You never know how I sleep well at night after you say, “Tulog na tayo.” with matching “Goodnight. Sweetdreams. Sleeptight. TC!”

One morning, I told you I'm going out for a swim with my two guy friends. You reacted differently, as if you don't want me to go. I asked why, you said that it's much better if I go there with other girls. I felt somewhat cared by the guy I really really like. I saw rays of sunshine, and it gave me hope. Somehow, I got the feeling that you also like me. But then, I didn't dare to ask for I was afraid of the answer. I was afraid of rejection.

I know I like you. From the first time I saw you. But then, I started dreaming about you at night, wanting to talk to you all the time, writing your name in my notebook, and even sing love songs with a picture of you in my mind. I don't know what this means, but it made me feel so alive.

But then, you stopped texting me. After a week, I learned from you that you like someone. I didn't know how to react, but I asked you who the lucky girl is. You didn't answer my question, and said that you'll tell me about it when everything's okay. I told you that if you love her, you have to fight for her. I told you that you can go through this. That everything will be fine. I told you every little thing that can make you feel alright, though it hurts and tears me inside.

The night after, I dreamed about you. You sent me a text message saying that you and the girl you like were okay now. That was the worst nightmare I have ever had so far and it really broke my heart. I told you about my dream. You said that dreams don't come true. I said that if I am selfish, I'd wish that it really won't come true but then, I want you to be happy so it has to. I told you that you can make it happen. And my heart crashed into pieces. You asked why I'm like this. You said that I wasn't the girl you've known before. The girl who is always happy. I wanted to ask you how will I be happy if you feel that way? How I wished I could make everything okay and make you feel happier in an instant. I want you to be mine, but you'd be happy with her.

Do you know how many times I tried to ask if you like me? Even just a bit? Do you know how I tried my best to think of things we could talk about just so I cant text with you longer? Do you know how I wanted to ask you why you like her? What she has that I don't so I can somehow try to be like her? Does she know about your all time favorite sinigang? About your allergies? About how late you go to school everyday? Maybe she knows you more. Or she'll know you more. Is she beautiful? Smarter than me? Sexy? Funny? All I wanted to know is that why won't you like me? Or atleast try to? But it's not just about that. So I just kept my questions all to myself.

I wanted to tell you that you unconsciously broke my heart. Don't worry, I don't blame you for this. I just wanted to tell you this to let you know that I really, really like you. And it sucks because you like someone else. But in case you realize that I somehow deserve you, I'll prove you right and show you that you deserve me too. I want to get tired of liking you,but I'm pretty sure it'll take time. But for the meanwhile, let me crush you from afar. Let me just stay as your friend, just like I have always been to you from the very start. I want you to know that you have me, and I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I'll be your sadness shield, somehow protecting you from the rays of sadness, and I'll be a permanent one. I'll always be your friend, Barbie. :)